A BIT OF HUMOR

HOW TO LIE TO THE BATHROOM SCALES
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well as in the morning,
without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight
you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred
vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a
pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five
pounds off...to your advantage, of course.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter. (Waving them is
optional but occasionally helps)
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely
naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of
hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh
something, right?)
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack
in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack.
Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two
pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
[forwarded by Jerry Lambert]
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Jill was planning to make some pastries for breakfast and later on, can some
pickles. She sent Jack out for the spices she would need and he left, singing,
"Gonna take a cinnamon-dill journey..."
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