SUNDAY EDITORIAL

Today when I left work I went with my ride to the cemetery to meet another young lady at the grave of a young man who passed away not quite a month ago. The facts of what happened to him will probably never be known. What will not change is the fact that he was shot and is dead. That part is final.

The problem one young girl is having is accepting the fact he is gone. Everyone is telling her to “get it together,” “accept that he is gone.” She is a Christian and has prayed for peace concerning his passing and that she has received to a point. She needs time to heal from the lost of her best friend.

As for myself I got angry, as I do each time I hear of the dumb thoughtless things people will say when someone dies. It has gotten to the point that I do not attend funerals. I am the one that goes by the house and tells the person go ahead and cry. I visit afterwards and laugh and cry as we talk about the memories that we share.

Why do people say the things they say? I believe it is because they do not know what to say, but feel they should say something.

Both of the young ladies told me today that they cry everyday. And as tears flowed down their faces I told them of how 30 years after my Granddaddy’s death I found myself crying one day after smelling cut grass; it will get better but the memories will always be there, and yes years from now they might cry and there is nothing wrong with that.

Do not misunderstand me if someone is in a deep depression, or denial then help should be sought. What I am speaking of is letting people heal in their own way, in their own time. The lost of a loved one is tragic, and there is nothing wrong with mourning that lost. People need to mourn, which means crying. It is better to say nothing then to stick our foot in our mouths.

Some people have a gift for saying the right thing. All are not gifted as such. If it is not one of your gifts, then offer your sympathy, prayers, let the family or person know you are thinking about them and leave it at that.

One time that stands out in my mind is a father had died and the children were gathered outside the funeral home just before the ceremony. Everyone was on edge and trying not to cry. Knowing that two of this man’s daughters had prepared poems to read, it was becoming apparent they would not be able to do it in the state they were in. A simple question asked kindly “What is the funniest thing you remember about your Dad?” I can not put into the words the looks that came across their faces as they looked to each other and then and there smiles started to appear as two said together “Daddy Dancing.” Every one of those family members starting talking about how the man loved to dance and at each family gathering he would always grab one of his children to start off the dancing. The thing is Daddy could not dance. As they spoke of this they relaxed and both girls were able to go in the building and speak lovingly of their Dad. A simple question asked the right way, brought about a peace as they talked of their Dad.

We will all at some point and time be in a position where we can comfort someone. You would be surprise at what saying nothing can mean to a grieving family. Stop think and if you don’t feel lead by God to say something, then stand by. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just stand.

God Bless,

rECj/LJG